Tag Archives: Letting Go

What you should be doing..

644391_10155564278272355_3301416791313717328_nIn any moment, we know what is the best use of our time and resources. You can’t do every thing you would like to do.You will never be able to do every thing you would like to do.

That may sound negative but the reality is that you are not meant to do every thing. If you want a happy and successful life; you need to do less, not more. You just need to ensure that what you do is the most important thing you can be doing. You need to know your priorities and focus on them. For each key area of your life, you really only need one priority. Sure, you can do other things too but not until you have taken the necessary actions on your most important activities i.e. your priorities.

Imagine if you went to work each day and you completed your most important task, each day. Then, with the remaining time, you completed your next 1-3 most important actions, each day. You would have a very successful working life.

Sadly, most people choose to focus on getting as much done as possible. They don’t stop to think about what needs to be done and what can be let go. The biggest time waster is doing things you don’t need to be doing i.e. things which don’t need to be done or; could be outsourced or delegated.

Before you rush into your work, take the time to identify your priority for the day.

Follow that by identifying the next 1-3 most important tasks.

1. Get everything else off your plate; at least until these tasks have been completed.

2. Your results will shoot through the roof.

3. Try it for yourself.

For more great time management tips, check out Quick Fixes of Your Productivity.

Have a fantastic day,

Kiokoh

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Avoiding conflict while dealing with difficult people

Avoiding conflict while dealing with difficult people

1234455​There will always be people in your life who make things difficult for you. In most cases, they won’t be deliberately making your life more difficult but in some cases, they may do so. Either way, you need to take action to make sure these people stop having a negative impact on your life. If you sit quietly and do nothing, these difficult situations will continue; maybe even get worse. If you do decide to deal with the issue, you run the risk of the situation escalating into a conflict. Avoiding conflict is important for your sense of peace and happiness but you can’t put up with poor treatment just so you can avoid conflict. The good news is that dealing with difficult situations and avoiding conflict can go hand in hand. You just need the right strategies and a little forward thinking.

There will always be people in your life who make things difficult for you. In most cases, they won’t be deliberately making your life more difficult but in some cases, they may do so. Either way, you need to take action to make sure these people stop having a negative impact on your life. If you sit quiet and do nothing, these difficult situations will continue; maybe even get worse. If you do decide to deal with the issue, you run the risk of the situation escalating into a conflict. Avoiding conflict is important for your sense of peace and happiness but you can’t put with poor treatments just so you can avoid conflict. The good news is that dealing situations and avoiding conflict can go hand in hand. You just need the right strategies and a little forward thinking.

Note

There is no such thing as a difficult person. It is just a repeated pattern of difficult behavior which that person chooses to use. However, for illustrative purposes, people find it clearer when we use the term ‘difficult people/person’ so I will use that term. Just make sure that when you find yourself in a difficult situation, you focus on the behavior rather than the person as that will get you the best results.

You can improve your communication and relationship skills with my FREE Checklist – Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Difficult People.

Get Your FREE Copy!

​4 Powerful Strategies for avoiding conflict 

4 Powerful Strategies for avoiding conflict

​The following are four strategies which you can employ to deal with difficult situations while still making avoiding conflict a key aim:

The following are four strategies which you can employ to deal with difficult situations while still making avoiding conflict a key aim:

​1. Set boundaries

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  1. Set boundaries

​There are certain behaviors which will never be acceptable to you. You may get angry when somebody behaves in that way but do you have the right to? Have you communicated the fact that you won’t tolerate that behavior? That is what setting boundaries is all about. If other people are clear about what you will and will not accept, you will find that most people will happily avoid the unacceptable behaviors and thus avoid the conflict that may come with them.

Boundaries are really one of the best tools for avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, many people feel as though they have effectively set boundaries when they have not. They stop at the point where they have determined what is and is not acceptable. In doing so, they fail to make it clear to others.

If the people who interact with you regularly are not clear about your boundaries then you have not set the boundaries properly. When communicating, you must remember that the meaning of your message is the meaning received by the other person. For example, ignoring somebody​des not constitute communicating that you are unhappy with something they have said or done. You have only communicated that message when you have explicitly informed them that they said or did something wrong and you have made sure that they understand.

When setting boundaries, you may need to give the message more than once but once you have done so, avoiding conflict becomes easier because people know the consequence of the unacceptable behavior and are more motivated to avoid that consequence.

If you have trouble setting boundaries, check out My Life; My Rules

There are certain behavior which will never be acceptable to you. You may get angry when somebody behaves in that way but do you have the right to? Have you communicated the fact that you won’t tolerate that behavior? That is what setting boundaries is all about. If other people are clear about what you will and will not accept, you will find that most people will happily avoid the behavior and thus avoid the conflict that may come with it.

Boundaries are really one of the best tools for avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, many people feel as though they have effectively set boundaries when they have not. They stop at the point where they have determined what is and is not acceptable. In doing so, they fail to make it clear to others.

If the people who interact with you regularly are not clear about your boundaries then you have not set the boundaries properly. When communicating, you must remember that the meaning of your message is the meaning received by the other person. For example, ignoring somebody is not communicating that you are unhappy with something they have said or done. You have only communicated that message when you have explicitly informed them that they said or did something wrong and you have made sure that they understand.

When setting boundaries, you may need to give the message more than once but once you have done so, avoiding conflict becomes easier because people know the consequence of the unacceptable behavior and more motivated to avoid that consequence.

If you have trouble setting boundaries, check out My Life; My Rules

​2. Don’t blame

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  1. Don’t blame

​Eliminating blame is one of the most powerful steps you can take towards avoiding conflict. Blame puts people on the defensive. They feel like they are being attacked and nobody wants to feel that way. Blaming somebody else when things go wrong can lead to them lashing out at you or others. Alternatively, it can lead to them withdrawing back into their shell which doesn’t serve anyone either. The same goes for when you blame yourself.

Blame implies that somebody did wrong deliberately. It assumes that they were acting with negative intentions. Life is far better and conflict is rarer when we assume that other people always act with positive intentions the better approach is to encourage everybody to accept responsibility and demonstrate the same yourself.

Accepting responsibility is one of the most powerful things you can do. You are saying that something you did contributed to the negative results. This means that if you change that behavior and choose a better option, you are going to get a better outcome next time.  The important thing to note here is that you are focusing on the behaviors/actions which contributed to the unwanted outcome; you are not blaming the individual. Your aim is to work together to find the best way forward; a way that will allow everybody to enjoy a win.

Related article
: Accepting responsibility

Eliminating blame is one of the most powerful steps you can take towards avoiding conflict. Blame puts people on the defensive. They feel like they are being attacked and nobody wants to feel that way. Blaming somebody else when things go wrong can lead to them lashing out at you or others. Alternatively, if can lead to them withdrawing back into their shell which doesn’t serve anyone either. The same goes for when you blame yourself.

Blame implies that somebody did wrong deliberately. It assumes that they were acting with negative intentions. Life is far better and conflict is rarer when we assume that other people always act with positive intentions the better approach is to encourage everybody to accept responsibility and demonstrate the same yourself.

Accepting responsibility is one of the most powerful things you can do. You are saying that somethings you did contributed to the negative results. This means that if you change that behavior and choose a better option, you are going to get a better outcome next time.  The important thing to note here is that you are focusing on the behaviors/actions which contributed to the unwanted outcome; you are not blaming the individual. Your aim is to work together to find the best way forward; a way that will allow everybody to enjoy a win.

Related article: Accepting responsibility

​You can deal with difficult situations and avoid conflict at the same time

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​3. Choose your words wisely

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  1. Choose your words wisely

​It is very easy to blame others or assign responsibility to them when you are feeling bad e.g. you say that they made you angry. They didn’t make you angry. They behaved whatever way they behaved and you chose your response. You may not realise you chose it as it may have been a subconscious decision but the choice of response was definitely yours.

To realise this, you only have to notice how 2 different people can respond differently to the same situation. If two people react differently to the same situation then it can’t be the situation which determines the response. It must be the individual who chooses their own response.  So nobody else made you angry, jealous, disappointed etc. You chose that response yourself.

Remember that blame causes others to go on the defensive so, even a subtle switch from blame to responsibility can have a massive role in avoiding conflict. For example, rather than say ‘You made me angry’ you could say ‘I feel angry when you do…’ It may not seem like a lot but you are no longer blaming the other person; you are taking ownership of your own feelings.

Related article: 5 Tips to harness the power of words

It is very easy to blame others or assign responsibility to them when you are feeling bad e.g. you say that they made you angry. They didn’t make you angry. They behaved whatever way they behaved and you chose your response. You may not realize you chose it as it may have been a subconscious decision but the choice of response was definitely yours.

To realize this, you only have to notice how 2 different people can respond differently to the same situation. If two people react differently to the same situation then it can’t be the situation which determines the response. It must be the individual who chooses their own response.  So nobody else made you angry, jealous, disappointed etc. You chose that response yourself.

Remember that blame causes others to go on the defensive so, even a subtle switch from blame to responsibility can have a massive role in avoiding conflict. For example, rather than say ‘You made me angry’ you could say ‘I feel angry when you do…’ It may not seem like a lot but you are no longer blaming the other person; you are taking ownership of your own feelings.

Related article: 5 Tips to harness the power of words

You can improve your communication and relationship skills with my FREE Checklist – Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Difficult People.

Get Your FREE Copy!

​4. Have predetermined calming measures

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  1. Have predetermined calming measures

​I have always done some weight training throughout my life. When you are lifting weights lighter than you can manage, you can lift safely on your own; though safety measures should always be taken. As the weights increase, it is best to have somebody ‘spot’ you. This means that they are there in case you are struggling with the weight so that they can intervene to help you avoid injury.  Effectively, you are planning your way out before you begin.

Avoiding conflict can be approached in much the same way i.e. have a plan for calming things down before the conversation begins. This is especially important if you think there is a reasonable chance that the situation might escalate into an argument or; where you are interacting with the other person regularly and you know how they behave during a difficult conversation.

Some strategies you could use include:

I have always done some weight training throughout my life. When you are lifting weights lighter than you can manage, you can lift safely on your own; thought safety measures should always be taken. As the weights increase, it is best to have somebody ‘spot’ you. This means that they are there in case you are struggling with the weight so that they can intervene to help you avoid injury.  Effectively, you are planning your way out before you begin.

Avoiding conflict can be approached in much the same way i.e. have a plan for calming things down before the conversation begins. This is especially important if you think there is a reasonable chance that the situation might escalate into an argument or; where you are interacting with the other person regularly and you know how they behave during a difficult conversation.

Some strategies you could use include:

Use a specific technique e.g. the constructive feedback model

  • ​Agree that both sides will get to have their say and then you will both take 24 hours to think about how you would like to respond i.e. a cool off period

Agree that both sides will get to have their say and then you will both take 24 hours to think about how you would like to respond i.e. a cool off period

  • Set a time limit for the discussion

​Having a strategy for calming things down helps with avoiding conflict and helps both parties to focus on resolving the issue before it escalates into a conflict.

If you are having to deal with difficult people and you want to start avoiding conflict, the Deal with Difficult People Handbook will help you get on the right track.

Having a strategy for calming things down helps with avoiding conflict and helps both parties to focus on resolving the issue before it escalates into a conflict.
If you are having to deal with difficult people and you want to start avoiding conflict, the Deal with Difficult People Handbook will help you get on the right track.

​Conclusion

​Avoiding conflict is one of the most important things that  ​you can do if  ​you want to live a peaceful, loving and happy life. That doesn’t mean  ​you should avoid dealing with issues which need to be dealt with. In fact, if you don’t deal with those important issues, you will experience conflict anyway because other people won’t change their behavior or attitude unless you tell them that you won’t tolerate it anymore. However, most difficult situations can be dealt with successfully while still avoiding conflict. If you take the time to implement the four strategies, above, your attempts at avoiding conflict will become much easier and you will still be able to deal with any issues which may arise.

 

KHAT – MIRAA/MUGUKA (PART THREE)

Similar Synthetic Drugs

The two intoxicants in the plant are cathinone and cathine. They are similar to but milder than amphetamine. In the last several years, synthetic forms of this drug have become popular and dangerous. Synthetic cathinones are very often the types of drugs found in “bath salts.” They are far stronger in their synthetic forms. Mephedrone, methylone, methcathinone and MDPV (3,4-methylenedioxypyrovalerone) are all illicit synthetic drugs in this class.

Addiction Doesn’t Always Involve an Illegal Drug

There are plenty of people who are addicted to substances that can be purchased legally. Alcohol, for example, is legal for an adult to purchase. A person abusing inhalants can become addicted to common household chemicals. And in other cases, it takes time for a drug to be outlawed in a state or country, once its dangerous properties are recognized. Therefore, khat use in a country in which it is not illegal can still be damaging to the individual who can’t stop using it despite harm being done to his life, relationships or future.

Even if khat is used in accepted social situations, if a person stops being able to be successful in life, if he neglects goals that are important to him or stops caring for responsibilities that he once held dear, such as his career or family, then the chances are very good that this person needs help to leave khat abuse behind.

The Narconon drug and alcohol rehabilitation program can help a person addicted to khat, just like it helps an alcohol or heroin addict. The drug does not matter, because the pattern of addiction is very similar from one person to the next. The generally eight to ten week Narconon rehab program has an excellent record of helping those addicted to any substances find lasting sobriety and a return of interest in those things that really matter to him or her.

KHAT Dosing

The appropriate dose of khat depends on several factors such as the user’s age, health, and several other conditions. At this time there is not enough scientific information to determine an appropriate range of doses for khat. Keep in mind that natural products are not always necessarily safe and dosages can be important. Be sure to follow relevant directions on product labels and consult your pharmacist or physician or other healthcare professional before using.

Psychoactive and mental health effects

The increased energy level and enhanced mood from khat use led some users to suggest that khat is a useful treatment for depression: “We use it for remedy and it doesn’t cost the government” (Somali woman, Melbourne). Conversely, commonly identified psychological health problems such as disrupted sleep patterns, low mood and irritability were reported to occur after the effects of khat had worn off.

A minority of participants identified a link between heavy khat use and more severe mental health problems:

It’s a very major source of madness, of craziness. People are alright if they stop it, they can come back alright . . . but when you overuse it, and overuse it, that’s when you come to this situation. (Somali man, Perth.)

The general view of participants in to a proven survey was that people do not become more violent upon using khat, although some participants reported domestic violence linked to khat use. Many participants

TO BE CONTINUED……….

KHAT-Miraa/Muguka (Part ONE)

KHAT (Miraa/Muguka)

Other Names:

Abyssinian Tea, Arabian-Tea, Catha edulis, Celastrus edulis, Chaat, Gat, Kat, Kathine, Kus es Salahin, Miraa, Qat, Qut, Tchaad, Thé Abyssin, Thé Arabe, Thé Somalien, Tohai, Tohat, Tschut.

What is khat? 

Khat is a leafy green plant containing two main stimulant drugs which speed up your mind and body. Their main effects are similar to, but less powerful than, amphetamine (Speed).  Khat is used mostly in North East Africa, and the Arabian Peninsual and by expatriate communities from these regions

Khat is a plant that grows and mostly used in Yemen, Ethiopia and Somalia — the “Horn of Africa.” It can also be found in South Africa, Sudan, Kenya, Afghanistan and Madagascar. Khat is also used mostly in North East Africa, and the Arabian Peninsual and by expatriate communities from these regions Just a few years ago, the only people in the Western Hemisphere who had heard of khat were some immigrants from Eastern Africa. A major reason for this limited distribution is that khat loses some of its potency within 48 hours.

But in the last few years, transportation methods have improved in the source countries, and shippers package the plant material carefully to keep it moist, reducing some of the loss of potency. It has since become available to more locations and now is much better known around the world.imagesd

Shipments of khat often leave Eastern Africa and arrive in the UK, with a portion of the shipment destined for North America. Seizures have sometimes been made of crates of khat on their way to large North American cities with substantial Eastern Africa immigrant populations, such as Toronto, Washington DC and San Diego.

In source countries Ethiopia and Somalia and neighboring country Djibouti, the drug is legal and in accepted use in social situations. These populations tend to bring the use of the drug with them when they emigrate to countries where it is not legal or where it becomes illegal after increasing amounts of the drug are sold and consumed. Khat is illegal in the US and most of Europe.

Khat was only made illegal in the UK in July 2013. When it became illegal, there were 3,000 tons of the drug passing through the country’s airports each year.

Khat is a plant. The leaf and stem are used as a recreational drug and as medicine.

As a recreational drug, the leaves and stem are chewed by people in East Africa and the Arabian countries to elevate mood (as a euphoriant).

As a medicine, khat leaf is used for depression, fatigue, obesity, stomach ulcers, and male infertility. It is also used to lower the need for food and sleep, decrease sexual desires, and increase aggression.

The World Health Organization (WHO) lists khat asimagesf a drug that creates “dependence” in people, meaning it produces a continuing desire to keep using it. In Somalia, civilian and military use of khat has been blamed for fueling civil war, draining the nation’s economy, and undermining international relief efforts.

TO BE CONTINUED…………..

 

 

 

In Heaven On Your Birthday – ELVIS MUANGE

In Heaven On Your Birthday –

ELVIS MUANGE

My arms are so empty to hold you just once
Even now I have not cried all my tears
I miss you so much that I can not express.
The only regret, is that I did not love you as soon as I knew
I felt scared and alone I didn’t know what to do
But it didn’t take long for you to steal my heart.
It happened the moment I heard your heart
The tears in my eyes, the love filled my heart
Little did I know you wouldn’t be with us long.
Those 9 months passed by like a blink of an eye
You came so quick and all by yourself
If you only knew how proud we were.
You were such a strong boy but yet so small
Your tiny hands, and your daddy’s feet
You were our blessing then as you still are now.
You brought us close as family
And even now you still make us strong
I’m thankful for your short life.
And that I was able to give you just that
I’ll never forget you kicks, hiccups, or the pain I felt
It’s something that mommy n daddy will hold in their hearts forever.
The talks we had with your mommy
Even now your always on my mind
No one will replace or take your place.
You’ll always be my nephew
And my precious little boy
Our angel above
Elvis Muange

Love Uncle
Xoxo
Someday I’ll hold you in my arms once again…. WE SHALL MISS YOU

RIP & SHINE ON YOUR WAY MY NEPHEW ELVIS

IT’S TIME

It’s Time

When I close my eyes, Shut out the pain outside
My soul turns inwards, And I feel the shame inside
I’m trying to be perfect, Trying to be right
But I know that deep down, For my soul I will have to fight

These demons are coming for me, I am not ready
I’ll have to be strong, Be determined, be steady
In a battle I can’t win, When the enemy is myself
My demons of sin, I know I’ll need help

But who do I turn to?…Who can I trust?
Bound by chains of shame, Which cannot rust
I have tried everything, Nothing has worked
Do I give up?…Let go of the stress, the hurt?

Do I lose myself to sin?…Lose hope
Let the darkness win?…Or do I rise and fight
Struggle and battle, For what I know is right
Either way is bad, But I know the path I’ll take
A better world, For myself I’ll make

I’ll try my best, I’ll win this war
I’ll pass the test, This is the final straw
Although my life has just begun, It is dark and cold
But there will be a rising sun, Shine rays of hope
Onto my cold world, To be reborn
Allow my wings to unfurl, And soar above the pain
Nothing to lose, Everything to gain.

I have made my choice
There is no going back

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/shame-of-addiction-shut-my-eyes

A WISH AND A PRAYER

A Wish And A Prayer

May your spirit soar in freedom
From the fears that gripped so tight.
May you find the peace you searched for
As you wandered, lost, in the night.

May your tortured mind be clear and calm
And your tender heart be warm.
May you have no need for strength now.
May there ne’er be another storm.

May the music of the angels
Be the sweet sounds that you hear.
As you’re rocked in Heaven’s cradle
May you ne’er shed another tear.

I’ll wear your memory proudly,
My only brother…my true friend.
May my love for you reach Heaven above
Until we meet again. Fare thee well man

Dedicated to John Mcrazy

THE HATE NEEDS TO CEASE

The Hate Needs to Cease

Wind whistling, Snow glistening,
We try not to, But we’re all listening.

Loud screams, Bad dreams,
It’s very far, But close it seems.

Sad day, Lost our way,
All we can do, Is simply pray.

Innocence gone, Life no longer long,
We may not know,  But we’re all doing wrong.

Joy lost, The Holocaust,
We look to see, Hearts covered in frost.

Wars fought, Sins taught,
Making mistakes, Hoping not to be caught.

Not taking blame, Pushing for fame,
As advanced as we are, We’re still all untamed.

Too much pride, Needing a guide,
We will deny it, But behind lies we hide.

Hurting others, Betraying brother,
Many forgetting, To appreciate mothers.

Lies are fed, Filling heart and head,
Through all of these years, Innocent blood has been shed.

Children abandoned, Lonely and stranded,
We’re all wasting the life That we have been handed.

Taking from the poor, We’re loving no more,
Fight to be free, End up starting a war.

People starting fights, No longer enjoying the sights,
While mere mortals are taking Our God given rights.

Soldiers killed, Void can’t be filled,
Pay close attention, For pure souls have been tilled.

Need to find peace, Work together like geese,
But greatest of all, The hate needs to cease

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LETTING GO

Letting Go

By Anonymous

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off…
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…

11709839_1015621243437j7355_8111524924143509671_nTo let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.