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A simple 10 minute guide to amazing self-talk

A simple 10 minute guide to amazing self-talk
We each have many thousands of thoughts every day. Many of them come in the form of self-talk. How you talk to yourself is important for your confidence and self-belief but incredibly; it is often overlooked. Self-talk is a soundtrack that’s constantly playing in your head, and its impact is dramatic. The conversations you have with yourself help determine your emotions and actions. Think about it for a minute; if you are consistently beating yourself up, how can you ever expect to feel good about yourself or believe in yourself? And, as the old question goes, if you don’t believe in yourself, why would anybody else?

Discover The Fundamentals of a Positive Mindset

What are the consequences of negative self-talk?
One of the most common problems you will see from those with poor self-talk habits is that they consistently seek the approval of others. They are willing to give on their own wants, needs and desires in order to gain the approval of others. This is an incredibly unhealthy habit which leads to a severe lack of enjoyment and fulfillment along with a great deal of stress, anxiety and worry. And, it often stems from a lack of self-belief and self-esteem; evidenced by negative self-talk.

Dealing with negative self-talk
Do not underestimate the power of negative self-talk. If you are consistently reinforcing low opinions of yourself, you will come to believe them and act as if they are real. You may not even be aware of the full extent of your negative self-talk but when you’re armed with a little knowledge, you can make some really positive changes.
The following points will help you to learn about the different types of self-talk and how to use them to your advantage.

Self-Talk in General
1. Raise your awareness
Self-talk is so natural that you may not even realize what you’ve been saying to yourself all these years. With any change that you wish to make in your life, you need to become aware of the full extent of the problem before you can set about changing it.

The first step is to become conscious of the commentary you create about your life. Whenever you find yourself in a negative mood, pay attention to the things that you are saying to yourself and how they make you feel. You will soon begin to realise the level of damage that you are doing to yourself.

2. Disrupt old patterns
Just because you are saying it to yourself, it does not mean that it must be true. Do not be afraid to dispute your self-talk (yes you can have a little argument with yourself). Challenge any unduly harsh criticism by telling yourself, out loud if possible, that those comments are untrue and you are over reacting.

Self-talk is also a tool for making changes. For example, if you are beating yourself up about a lack of knowledge or skill, you can use this as an opportunity to create a learning plan for yourself and improve your knowledge and skills.
Note: if you are not prepared to tackle the knowledge or skill deficit, then the issue must not be that important for you so, let it go.

A friend of mine regularly beat himself up about not making the most of his schooling. I asked him if he was prepared to go back to education (at night) and he said ‘No’. I then asked him how it served him to keep beating himself up about something which he was not prepared to do anything about. He soon realised the folly of his behavior and he has since made some improvements.

3. Conduct a reality check
Assess how your self-talk measures up to what’s really happening around you. There’s a big difference between burning one slice of toast and being a failure in the kitchen.
Disputation is a powerful tool. Do not just accept what you say in your self-talk. Challenge any negative thoughts until you have developed a more realistic viewpoint. You don’t have to force yourself to be optimistic about everything but you do need to avoid undue negativity.

4. Talk it over
Feedback from others is also valuable. See how your impressions compare to what your coworkers or partner say about you. You must remember that you cannot be truly objective in your own life, thus making it hard to be completely realistic. Friends tend to be more objective (though not always) and will generally be more realistic in their assessments.
Gaining a 360-degree view on yourself, from people whom you can trust to be honest, will help you to be more realistic.

5. Be consistent
If you are negative with your self-talk, it didn’t happen overnight. You will have been telling yourself the same negative messages, over and over again, until you got to a point where you accepted them as true. That is the power of consistency. The good thing is that you can use consistency to your advantage too.
We need to hear a message multiple times before we accept it. So, instead of the negative messages which you have been feeding yourself, choose a kinder, more supportive message which you can give to yourself. Whenever you find yourself been negative, take charge of your self-talk and deliver this message to yourself, repeatedly. Your inner dialogue will grow wiser with practice and your self-talk will gradually become kinder.

6. Regard yourself as a friend
We sometimes speak more harshly to ourselves than we would to anyone else. Instead, talk to yourself as though you were a loving friend. Seek to be truthful and supportive with yourself.

Motivational Self-Talk
1. Build up your strength
Motivational self-talk tends to work best in situations that require endurance and confidence. A pep talk can boost your confidence and make you believe in your worth and abilities.
Don’t expect it to happen overnight. Remember that before you truly believe a message, you must receive that message repeatedly. Every time that you are in a position which requires some motivational self-talk, take the opportunity to deliver your positive message. With every use, you will believe it that little bit more.

2. Find your hot buttons
Not every message will work for every person. Certain words resonate better with some than others. To find the right message, you may need to do a little experimenting. Have some fun to find the message that resonates best with you.
Choose words that invigorate you. You may want to call yourself a superhero or remind yourself that you’re awesome.

3. Keep it brief
Don’t try to deliver a rousing speech like Mel Gibson in ‘Braveheart’. It’s a bit like saying ‘No’ to someone. If you provide too much information, you give them something to argue with and pick holes in so, you are better off just saying ‘No’.

When giving yourself a motivational pep talk, don’t give yourself anything to argue with. Using single words and short phrases helps you stay on track. You’ll be more likely to focus on your assets without getting distracted by nagging doubts.

Instructional Self-Talk
1. Start early
New projects provide an ideal opportunity for instructional self-talk. Coach yourself during the important beginning stages. Be kind, gentle and supportive; just as you would be if you were coaching somebody else.
This provides a great opportunity to be proactive with your self-talk. Because you are being proactive and positive, you will drown out much of the negative self-talk which you may have become accustomed to. Instead of 100% negative self-talk, you will dilute it down with every positive piece of self-talk that you deliver.

2. Be precise
Break tasks down into specific steps. If you’re working on your public speaking, urge yourself to make eye contact, talk at an appropriate pace, and sound enthusiastic during your speech.
It is best to just focus on one or two of these habits with each speech. You will soon find that you do them without thinking about them and you can then focus on a different new habit for the next speech.

3. Visualize success
Picture yourself getting the results you want. Self-talk doesn’t always take the form of words. The images you present yourself with will also deliver either a positive or negative message. When you focus on a positive imagery i.e. achieving your goals, you are reminding yourself that you can do it; that you have the knowledge, skills and attributes necessary to be a success.

Positive visualization is one of the most powerful self-talk habits that you can practice. They say that a picture paints 1,000 words so make sure that you are focusing on positive, empowering imagery.

Reassuring Self-Talk
1. Acknowledge your feelings
Soothing self-talk can help you manage tense moments with more comfort and skill. For best results, accept your emotions instead of trying to suppress them. You can act courageously even if you feel afraid.

2. Create distance
A recent study found that calling yourself by name or substituting the word “you” instead of “I” enabled people to perform better under stress. It’s one way to restore objectivity when you’re feeling pressured.

3. Look on the bright side
Self-talk won’t make life’s challenges disappear. Bad things happen and if you want to continue to grow and thrive, you need to take on bigger and bigger challenges. There will be times when you have doubts and difficulties but these are opportunities to advance yourself.

So how can self-talk help? It can help you respond more constructively. Instead of criticising yourself for a past misstep, concentrate on what you can do better in the future.? It enables you to realise that you are a fallible human being. You understand that just as you have the ability to You don’t have to live with negative self-talk. It doesn’t have to be something which just happens. If you leave your negative self-talk unchallenged, the consequences will continue to get worse, to the point where they cripple your self-belief and self-esteem.

Instead, you can channel your self-talk and start moving in a positive direction. Get in touch with the thoughts that automatically run through your head, and turn them into a steady stream of encouragement. You’ll reduce stress, enhance your self-confidence, and enjoy more success in life.

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The key to pushing through the tough times…

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I am currently implementing the plan which governs the remainder of this year and all of next year.

The stage of the plan which I am working on right now involves a lot of the following activities:

  • Article writing
  • Product and Service delivery
  • Training and reading educational material
  • Research
  • Financial Accounts

While I do enjoy each of these activities, they are also very tiring activities which require a great deal of concentration.

The sheer quantity of these activities at present is very tiring. Despite this, I find myself jumping out of bed each morning to get cracking on the work for the day. The reason I do this is that the vision I have for my business and work is so inspiring to me.  And, the reason it is so inspiring is because the vision itself is inspired by my purpose.

In fact, it is bringing my purpose to life. That is how you get motivated to push through the difficult activities, days and weeks.  You take the time to identify and define your purpose. You create a vision for your life/business/work which will serve that purpose and bring it to life.

Then, you create the goals which will enable you to realize that vision. It all starts with a clear and defined purpose i.e. who you are and the reason you want to do what you want to do. It is only when you are clear on your purpose that you start to feel the real joy, enthusiasm and motivation for life.

So, take the time to get clear on your purpose. I promise you that it is worth the effort.

LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND YOU

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A great deal of bad time management comes from trying to do what everyone else wants you to do.

A great deal of unhappiness and lost confidence comes from trying to do what everyone else wants you to do.

Whether you want to be:

  • Productive
  • Successful
  • Happy
  • Confident

Or any of the above; you need to dedicate your life to living from the inside out. In other words, you need to be true to your purpose, values and; set goals which are truly your goals.

Listen to yourself and you’ll always be happy

Coaching requires the coach to spend a great deal of time listening the client. When appropriate, the coach will interject with a question. There are a number of reasons why the coach may choose to ask a particular question but quite often the question is saying one thing to the client – listen to yourself.

listen to yourself header

It is important that the client does not just listen to the words they speak, but also to the way in which they say it and the feelings they experience when they say it. This is listening at a much deeper level than most people are used to. When you listen to yourself, you live your values and pursue your dreams. This is one of the most effective strategies for reducing stress and increasing personal happiness.

We all like to offer advice to our friends but sometimes, when we are offering that advice from the depths of our heart, we are not just speaking to our friends, we are also speaking to ourselves. So, take the time to listen to yourself; it may be the wisest advice you ever receive.

Start the day with a plan of action

Start the day with a plan of action

WhatsApp Image 2017-12-06 at 1.49.22 PMIn time management, one of the most common problems that I see is that people tend to rush into the day without any form of a plan for what they are trying to get done. People who do not have a plan for the day end up wasting a lot of time trying to decide what they should be doing next. Every time that they have to make such a decision, they have to run through every option and weigh up the pro’s and cons. This wastes precious time and can lead to that dreaded thing called the ‘paralysis of analysis’. When this problem strikes, you end up getting nothing of value done because you spend too much time trying to determine the best thing to do.

Another major issue with starting your day without a plan is that you concede control of your time. If you have not taken the time to determine your most important tasks, you end up jumping from task to task based on the demands of others. Whoever screams loudest at you wins the race to get you working on what they want you to do. And so, you end up working on the tasks that are more important to others; which rarely matches the tasks that are most important for you.

When you have a plan

When you take the time to organize your day, you’ll find that you move more effectively and swiftly through the day. You know what needs to be done; you know what jobs you are capable of doing on the day and, you are prepared to do those jobs. There is no need for you to waste time thinking about what you need to do next as you only have to look at your plan and you can spring into action.

When you have an effective plan, you are focused on the importance of each task. Some people like to start with an easy task while others feel more energetic at the beginning of the day and so tackle a difficult task first. However, the most effective way to prioritize is to do so based on importance. If you get your most important task completed early in the day; the rest of the day could go completely off track and you would still have had an effective day. Also, you don’t have to focus on the quantity of work that you do; you simply focus on getting good quality work done. There will be some days when you can’t do as much as you would like but by getting your most important work completed; you will continue to make steady progress.

I have created a FREE Report called ‘Improve Your Focus; Increase Your Productivity’. It does exactly what it says on the cover.

Get Your FREE Copy Here

Simple questions to make a quick plan

The following are just some very quick questions which can help you formulate an effective plan:

  1. Are there tasks which have to be set up for specific times?

Think through the day. Do you have meetings at work which may take up your time? If so, those should be built in to your schedule first. Be careful to only include tasks/meetings which are time specific.

Once you have done this, you can then see quite clearly how much time you have available for other tasks.

  1. What resources will I have access to?

There are many tasks which you can only perform if you have access to specific resources e.g. I can only type up this article if I have access to my computer. If I was not going to have access to my computer today, then there is no point putting this task on my plan for the day; as I couldn’t complete it.

When you are planning you will realize what resources you need for each task. In some cases, as with my example, you will not be able to add the task to your plan; in some cases you will just need to ensure that you bring the necessary resources with you. Also, in some cases, you will only have access to the necessary resources at set times so you will have to schedule the relevant tasks for those times.

  1. What is my most important task?

Of all of the tasks that you need to complete, which one would have the biggest, positive impact? Be sure that you will have the necessary resources to complete the task.

This is your most important task. If you only completed that task today, you will still have a very good day.

  1. What are the next 2 most important tasks?

If, for any reason, you cannot work on your most important task, then one of these tasks should be substituted. You can then return to the most important task at the first opportunity.

It isn’t always going to be possible to work on the most important task but it is imperative that you always work on the most important task that you can complete at that specific time.

I have created a FREE Report called ‘Improve Your Focus; Increase Your Productivity’. It does exactly what it says on the cover.

Get Your FREE Copy Here

  1. What are your next 5 most important tasks?

These tasks serve a few purposes. If you cannot perform one of the most important tasks, you can still do some valuable work. Also, if you complete your most important tasks with time to spare, you can move straight onto these tasks and get even more valuable work done. It is important that you maximize the benefits of your best days and these tasks will ensure that you can do so.

For more great advice to improve your organization and focus, check out The Modern Professional’s Guide to Organization and Focus.

When planning, beware of easy or mindless activities that take up your important morning time – such as checking emails and getting stuck on Internet sites which aren’t important. Rather than try to fight the impulse to do these things; schedule some strict time through the day to perform these tasks e.g. I check my email twice per day.

Before you leave work, whether at an office or home desk, take some time to look at what you’ve accomplished during the day and plan your schedule for the next day. Identify the most important tasks that you can complete the following day and, prepare the resources that you will require to complete these tasks. Then, when you begin to work the next day, you will have a clear plan of action for the day ahead so you can hit the ground running. Of course, there will be times when emergencies arise and priorities change but with a properly made plan; you will still be able to make the most of your day and, pick up where you left off once the emergency has passed.

Teach people how to treat you

Some people can cause us a lot of problems in our daily lives:

  • They treat us badly
  • They speak badly to us
  • They try to dump work on us
  • They delay us by not getting their work done on time
  • They interrupt us repeatedly


And a whole lot more.

It is easy to blame the other person for these problems but there is a simple truth we are ignoring – we teach people how to treat us.

Today’s article explains this in greater detail.

Check it out here

If you enjoy the article, please share to your social media.

Have a fantastic weekend…

TAME SOCIAL MEDIA AND FOCUS ON THE IMPORTANT STUFF [Part 1]

Tame social media and focus on the important stuff

If you want to be as productive as possible, you need to eliminate distractions. You live in a busy world where there are so many things competing for your attention. If you don’t learn to control these potential distractions, you end up jumping from one thing to another without ever really finishing anything. 2 things above all else have made distractions worse than ever – the smart phone and social media. These things have meant that we don’t ever have to be out of touch. We can always be contacted. But just because we always can be contacted it doesn’t mean that we should always allow ourselves to be contacted. I will tackle smart phones in a later article but today I want to focus on taming social media.

Why taming social media is important

Taming social media is important because social media is highly addictive but adds little or no real value to your life. I am a firm believer in the 80/20 principle whereby very few of the things which you do daily, produce the majority of the positive outcomes in your life. In other words, the majority of the things we do daily, add little or no value. I invite you to take a proper look at your social media usage to determine the time you spend on it versus the value you receive from it.

If you are honest with yourself, you will find that:

  • You spend more time on social media than you had realized, and;
  • You get far less value from social media than you had thought

The social media zombie

During your typical day, how many people do you see who are glued to their smart phone. Their head is down; they have no idea what is going on around them and they probably have a cramp in their thumb from scrolling through their Facebook or Twitter feed. We are creating a generation of people who lack the social skills to survive in the real world. They are more concerned with the lives of their imaginary online friends than they are concerned with the lives of their real-world friends.

I have become more concerned in recent times by the frequency with which I walk into businesses and receive poor service because the staff are focused their social media accounts rather than the customers who pay their wages….

TO BE CONTINUED………

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