Tag Archives: Kelvin Keya

The key to pushing through the tough times…

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I am currently implementing the plan which governs the remainder of this year and all of next year.

The stage of the plan which I am working on right now involves a lot of the following activities:

  • Article writing
  • Product and Service delivery
  • Training and reading educational material
  • Research
  • Financial Accounts

While I do enjoy each of these activities, they are also very tiring activities which require a great deal of concentration.

The sheer quantity of these activities at present is very tiring. Despite this, I find myself jumping out of bed each morning to get cracking on the work for the day. The reason I do this is that the vision I have for my business and work is so inspiring to me.  And, the reason it is so inspiring is because the vision itself is inspired by my purpose.

In fact, it is bringing my purpose to life. That is how you get motivated to push through the difficult activities, days and weeks.  You take the time to identify and define your purpose. You create a vision for your life/business/work which will serve that purpose and bring it to life.

Then, you create the goals which will enable you to realize that vision. It all starts with a clear and defined purpose i.e. who you are and the reason you want to do what you want to do. It is only when you are clear on your purpose that you start to feel the real joy, enthusiasm and motivation for life.

So, take the time to get clear on your purpose. I promise you that it is worth the effort.

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LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND YOU

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A great deal of bad time management comes from trying to do what everyone else wants you to do.

A great deal of unhappiness and lost confidence comes from trying to do what everyone else wants you to do.

Whether you want to be:

  • Productive
  • Successful
  • Happy
  • Confident

Or any of the above; you need to dedicate your life to living from the inside out. In other words, you need to be true to your purpose, values and; set goals which are truly your goals.

Listen to yourself and you’ll always be happy

Coaching requires the coach to spend a great deal of time listening the client. When appropriate, the coach will interject with a question. There are a number of reasons why the coach may choose to ask a particular question but quite often the question is saying one thing to the client – listen to yourself.

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It is important that the client does not just listen to the words they speak, but also to the way in which they say it and the feelings they experience when they say it. This is listening at a much deeper level than most people are used to. When you listen to yourself, you live your values and pursue your dreams. This is one of the most effective strategies for reducing stress and increasing personal happiness.

We all like to offer advice to our friends but sometimes, when we are offering that advice from the depths of our heart, we are not just speaking to our friends, we are also speaking to ourselves. So, take the time to listen to yourself; it may be the wisest advice you ever receive.

Start the day with a plan of action

Start the day with a plan of action

WhatsApp Image 2017-12-06 at 1.49.22 PMIn time management, one of the most common problems that I see is that people tend to rush into the day without any form of a plan for what they are trying to get done. People who do not have a plan for the day end up wasting a lot of time trying to decide what they should be doing next. Every time that they have to make such a decision, they have to run through every option and weigh up the pro’s and cons. This wastes precious time and can lead to that dreaded thing called the ‘paralysis of analysis’. When this problem strikes, you end up getting nothing of value done because you spend too much time trying to determine the best thing to do.

Another major issue with starting your day without a plan is that you concede control of your time. If you have not taken the time to determine your most important tasks, you end up jumping from task to task based on the demands of others. Whoever screams loudest at you wins the race to get you working on what they want you to do. And so, you end up working on the tasks that are more important to others; which rarely matches the tasks that are most important for you.

When you have a plan

When you take the time to organize your day, you’ll find that you move more effectively and swiftly through the day. You know what needs to be done; you know what jobs you are capable of doing on the day and, you are prepared to do those jobs. There is no need for you to waste time thinking about what you need to do next as you only have to look at your plan and you can spring into action.

When you have an effective plan, you are focused on the importance of each task. Some people like to start with an easy task while others feel more energetic at the beginning of the day and so tackle a difficult task first. However, the most effective way to prioritize is to do so based on importance. If you get your most important task completed early in the day; the rest of the day could go completely off track and you would still have had an effective day. Also, you don’t have to focus on the quantity of work that you do; you simply focus on getting good quality work done. There will be some days when you can’t do as much as you would like but by getting your most important work completed; you will continue to make steady progress.

I have created a FREE Report called ‘Improve Your Focus; Increase Your Productivity’. It does exactly what it says on the cover.

Get Your FREE Copy Here

Simple questions to make a quick plan

The following are just some very quick questions which can help you formulate an effective plan:

  1. Are there tasks which have to be set up for specific times?

Think through the day. Do you have meetings at work which may take up your time? If so, those should be built in to your schedule first. Be careful to only include tasks/meetings which are time specific.

Once you have done this, you can then see quite clearly how much time you have available for other tasks.

  1. What resources will I have access to?

There are many tasks which you can only perform if you have access to specific resources e.g. I can only type up this article if I have access to my computer. If I was not going to have access to my computer today, then there is no point putting this task on my plan for the day; as I couldn’t complete it.

When you are planning you will realize what resources you need for each task. In some cases, as with my example, you will not be able to add the task to your plan; in some cases you will just need to ensure that you bring the necessary resources with you. Also, in some cases, you will only have access to the necessary resources at set times so you will have to schedule the relevant tasks for those times.

  1. What is my most important task?

Of all of the tasks that you need to complete, which one would have the biggest, positive impact? Be sure that you will have the necessary resources to complete the task.

This is your most important task. If you only completed that task today, you will still have a very good day.

  1. What are the next 2 most important tasks?

If, for any reason, you cannot work on your most important task, then one of these tasks should be substituted. You can then return to the most important task at the first opportunity.

It isn’t always going to be possible to work on the most important task but it is imperative that you always work on the most important task that you can complete at that specific time.

I have created a FREE Report called ‘Improve Your Focus; Increase Your Productivity’. It does exactly what it says on the cover.

Get Your FREE Copy Here

  1. What are your next 5 most important tasks?

These tasks serve a few purposes. If you cannot perform one of the most important tasks, you can still do some valuable work. Also, if you complete your most important tasks with time to spare, you can move straight onto these tasks and get even more valuable work done. It is important that you maximize the benefits of your best days and these tasks will ensure that you can do so.

For more great advice to improve your organization and focus, check out The Modern Professional’s Guide to Organization and Focus.

When planning, beware of easy or mindless activities that take up your important morning time – such as checking emails and getting stuck on Internet sites which aren’t important. Rather than try to fight the impulse to do these things; schedule some strict time through the day to perform these tasks e.g. I check my email twice per day.

Before you leave work, whether at an office or home desk, take some time to look at what you’ve accomplished during the day and plan your schedule for the next day. Identify the most important tasks that you can complete the following day and, prepare the resources that you will require to complete these tasks. Then, when you begin to work the next day, you will have a clear plan of action for the day ahead so you can hit the ground running. Of course, there will be times when emergencies arise and priorities change but with a properly made plan; you will still be able to make the most of your day and, pick up where you left off once the emergency has passed.

Avoiding conflict while dealing with difficult people

Avoiding conflict while dealing with difficult people

1234455​There will always be people in your life who make things difficult for you. In most cases, they won’t be deliberately making your life more difficult but in some cases, they may do so. Either way, you need to take action to make sure these people stop having a negative impact on your life. If you sit quietly and do nothing, these difficult situations will continue; maybe even get worse. If you do decide to deal with the issue, you run the risk of the situation escalating into a conflict. Avoiding conflict is important for your sense of peace and happiness but you can’t put up with poor treatment just so you can avoid conflict. The good news is that dealing with difficult situations and avoiding conflict can go hand in hand. You just need the right strategies and a little forward thinking.

There will always be people in your life who make things difficult for you. In most cases, they won’t be deliberately making your life more difficult but in some cases, they may do so. Either way, you need to take action to make sure these people stop having a negative impact on your life. If you sit quiet and do nothing, these difficult situations will continue; maybe even get worse. If you do decide to deal with the issue, you run the risk of the situation escalating into a conflict. Avoiding conflict is important for your sense of peace and happiness but you can’t put with poor treatments just so you can avoid conflict. The good news is that dealing situations and avoiding conflict can go hand in hand. You just need the right strategies and a little forward thinking.

Note

There is no such thing as a difficult person. It is just a repeated pattern of difficult behavior which that person chooses to use. However, for illustrative purposes, people find it clearer when we use the term ‘difficult people/person’ so I will use that term. Just make sure that when you find yourself in a difficult situation, you focus on the behavior rather than the person as that will get you the best results.

You can improve your communication and relationship skills with my FREE Checklist – Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Difficult People.

Get Your FREE Copy!

​4 Powerful Strategies for avoiding conflict 

4 Powerful Strategies for avoiding conflict

​The following are four strategies which you can employ to deal with difficult situations while still making avoiding conflict a key aim:

The following are four strategies which you can employ to deal with difficult situations while still making avoiding conflict a key aim:

​1. Set boundaries

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  1. Set boundaries

​There are certain behaviors which will never be acceptable to you. You may get angry when somebody behaves in that way but do you have the right to? Have you communicated the fact that you won’t tolerate that behavior? That is what setting boundaries is all about. If other people are clear about what you will and will not accept, you will find that most people will happily avoid the unacceptable behaviors and thus avoid the conflict that may come with them.

Boundaries are really one of the best tools for avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, many people feel as though they have effectively set boundaries when they have not. They stop at the point where they have determined what is and is not acceptable. In doing so, they fail to make it clear to others.

If the people who interact with you regularly are not clear about your boundaries then you have not set the boundaries properly. When communicating, you must remember that the meaning of your message is the meaning received by the other person. For example, ignoring somebody​des not constitute communicating that you are unhappy with something they have said or done. You have only communicated that message when you have explicitly informed them that they said or did something wrong and you have made sure that they understand.

When setting boundaries, you may need to give the message more than once but once you have done so, avoiding conflict becomes easier because people know the consequence of the unacceptable behavior and are more motivated to avoid that consequence.

If you have trouble setting boundaries, check out My Life; My Rules

There are certain behavior which will never be acceptable to you. You may get angry when somebody behaves in that way but do you have the right to? Have you communicated the fact that you won’t tolerate that behavior? That is what setting boundaries is all about. If other people are clear about what you will and will not accept, you will find that most people will happily avoid the behavior and thus avoid the conflict that may come with it.

Boundaries are really one of the best tools for avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, many people feel as though they have effectively set boundaries when they have not. They stop at the point where they have determined what is and is not acceptable. In doing so, they fail to make it clear to others.

If the people who interact with you regularly are not clear about your boundaries then you have not set the boundaries properly. When communicating, you must remember that the meaning of your message is the meaning received by the other person. For example, ignoring somebody is not communicating that you are unhappy with something they have said or done. You have only communicated that message when you have explicitly informed them that they said or did something wrong and you have made sure that they understand.

When setting boundaries, you may need to give the message more than once but once you have done so, avoiding conflict becomes easier because people know the consequence of the unacceptable behavior and more motivated to avoid that consequence.

If you have trouble setting boundaries, check out My Life; My Rules

​2. Don’t blame

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  1. Don’t blame

​Eliminating blame is one of the most powerful steps you can take towards avoiding conflict. Blame puts people on the defensive. They feel like they are being attacked and nobody wants to feel that way. Blaming somebody else when things go wrong can lead to them lashing out at you or others. Alternatively, it can lead to them withdrawing back into their shell which doesn’t serve anyone either. The same goes for when you blame yourself.

Blame implies that somebody did wrong deliberately. It assumes that they were acting with negative intentions. Life is far better and conflict is rarer when we assume that other people always act with positive intentions the better approach is to encourage everybody to accept responsibility and demonstrate the same yourself.

Accepting responsibility is one of the most powerful things you can do. You are saying that something you did contributed to the negative results. This means that if you change that behavior and choose a better option, you are going to get a better outcome next time.  The important thing to note here is that you are focusing on the behaviors/actions which contributed to the unwanted outcome; you are not blaming the individual. Your aim is to work together to find the best way forward; a way that will allow everybody to enjoy a win.

Related article
: Accepting responsibility

Eliminating blame is one of the most powerful steps you can take towards avoiding conflict. Blame puts people on the defensive. They feel like they are being attacked and nobody wants to feel that way. Blaming somebody else when things go wrong can lead to them lashing out at you or others. Alternatively, if can lead to them withdrawing back into their shell which doesn’t serve anyone either. The same goes for when you blame yourself.

Blame implies that somebody did wrong deliberately. It assumes that they were acting with negative intentions. Life is far better and conflict is rarer when we assume that other people always act with positive intentions the better approach is to encourage everybody to accept responsibility and demonstrate the same yourself.

Accepting responsibility is one of the most powerful things you can do. You are saying that somethings you did contributed to the negative results. This means that if you change that behavior and choose a better option, you are going to get a better outcome next time.  The important thing to note here is that you are focusing on the behaviors/actions which contributed to the unwanted outcome; you are not blaming the individual. Your aim is to work together to find the best way forward; a way that will allow everybody to enjoy a win.

Related article: Accepting responsibility

​You can deal with difficult situations and avoid conflict at the same time

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​3. Choose your words wisely

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  1. Choose your words wisely

​It is very easy to blame others or assign responsibility to them when you are feeling bad e.g. you say that they made you angry. They didn’t make you angry. They behaved whatever way they behaved and you chose your response. You may not realise you chose it as it may have been a subconscious decision but the choice of response was definitely yours.

To realise this, you only have to notice how 2 different people can respond differently to the same situation. If two people react differently to the same situation then it can’t be the situation which determines the response. It must be the individual who chooses their own response.  So nobody else made you angry, jealous, disappointed etc. You chose that response yourself.

Remember that blame causes others to go on the defensive so, even a subtle switch from blame to responsibility can have a massive role in avoiding conflict. For example, rather than say ‘You made me angry’ you could say ‘I feel angry when you do…’ It may not seem like a lot but you are no longer blaming the other person; you are taking ownership of your own feelings.

Related article: 5 Tips to harness the power of words

It is very easy to blame others or assign responsibility to them when you are feeling bad e.g. you say that they made you angry. They didn’t make you angry. They behaved whatever way they behaved and you chose your response. You may not realize you chose it as it may have been a subconscious decision but the choice of response was definitely yours.

To realize this, you only have to notice how 2 different people can respond differently to the same situation. If two people react differently to the same situation then it can’t be the situation which determines the response. It must be the individual who chooses their own response.  So nobody else made you angry, jealous, disappointed etc. You chose that response yourself.

Remember that blame causes others to go on the defensive so, even a subtle switch from blame to responsibility can have a massive role in avoiding conflict. For example, rather than say ‘You made me angry’ you could say ‘I feel angry when you do…’ It may not seem like a lot but you are no longer blaming the other person; you are taking ownership of your own feelings.

Related article: 5 Tips to harness the power of words

You can improve your communication and relationship skills with my FREE Checklist – Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Difficult People.

Get Your FREE Copy!

​4. Have predetermined calming measures

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  1. Have predetermined calming measures

​I have always done some weight training throughout my life. When you are lifting weights lighter than you can manage, you can lift safely on your own; though safety measures should always be taken. As the weights increase, it is best to have somebody ‘spot’ you. This means that they are there in case you are struggling with the weight so that they can intervene to help you avoid injury.  Effectively, you are planning your way out before you begin.

Avoiding conflict can be approached in much the same way i.e. have a plan for calming things down before the conversation begins. This is especially important if you think there is a reasonable chance that the situation might escalate into an argument or; where you are interacting with the other person regularly and you know how they behave during a difficult conversation.

Some strategies you could use include:

I have always done some weight training throughout my life. When you are lifting weights lighter than you can manage, you can lift safely on your own; thought safety measures should always be taken. As the weights increase, it is best to have somebody ‘spot’ you. This means that they are there in case you are struggling with the weight so that they can intervene to help you avoid injury.  Effectively, you are planning your way out before you begin.

Avoiding conflict can be approached in much the same way i.e. have a plan for calming things down before the conversation begins. This is especially important if you think there is a reasonable chance that the situation might escalate into an argument or; where you are interacting with the other person regularly and you know how they behave during a difficult conversation.

Some strategies you could use include:

Use a specific technique e.g. the constructive feedback model

  • ​Agree that both sides will get to have their say and then you will both take 24 hours to think about how you would like to respond i.e. a cool off period

Agree that both sides will get to have their say and then you will both take 24 hours to think about how you would like to respond i.e. a cool off period

  • Set a time limit for the discussion

​Having a strategy for calming things down helps with avoiding conflict and helps both parties to focus on resolving the issue before it escalates into a conflict.

If you are having to deal with difficult people and you want to start avoiding conflict, the Deal with Difficult People Handbook will help you get on the right track.

Having a strategy for calming things down helps with avoiding conflict and helps both parties to focus on resolving the issue before it escalates into a conflict.
If you are having to deal with difficult people and you want to start avoiding conflict, the Deal with Difficult People Handbook will help you get on the right track.

​Conclusion

​Avoiding conflict is one of the most important things that  ​you can do if  ​you want to live a peaceful, loving and happy life. That doesn’t mean  ​you should avoid dealing with issues which need to be dealt with. In fact, if you don’t deal with those important issues, you will experience conflict anyway because other people won’t change their behavior or attitude unless you tell them that you won’t tolerate it anymore. However, most difficult situations can be dealt with successfully while still avoiding conflict. If you take the time to implement the four strategies, above, your attempts at avoiding conflict will become much easier and you will still be able to deal with any issues which may arise.

 

I GIVE THANKS

I give thanks to you, O Lord,

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TO GOD BE THE GLORY

For what you’ve blessed me with
The abundance of the blessings
From heaven that you give

 

For I have all received from you
The abundance from your hand
In many varied and different ways,
You’ve blessed us in this land

I only need to look around
At what you, Lord, have given,
To see the many blessings I have
And see your full provision

 

So, Lord, to you I give our thanks
With full and grateful hearts,
The blessing of family, friends and love
And just for who you are.

ASANTE BABA!!

LEARNING FROM THE PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE

When I want to improve my life, I generally think about what goals I need to create to get me there.

This usually serves me well.

When I achieve the goals, I will have made the improvements that I am looking to make in my life.

Seems obvious.

However, there are some situations where it is not the first step you must take.

When you are making major changes in your life, you usually need to take a look at the very essence of who you really are.

More importantly, you need to understand the very essence of the person you are trying to become because major change will cause you to change.

If you look at the people you admire and the kind of person you need to become, you will soon realize that it is not just their actions that you admire.

You admire their values too.

Maybe it’s their work ethic.

Maybe it’s their attitude to dealing with others.

Maybe it’s the value they place on their family life.

Whatever it is that you admire about these people, I am willing to bet that it can be traced directly back to their values.

That’s why, when you want to make major changes in your life, you need to identify the values that you will possess when you have successfully made those changes.

You can then compare them to the current values that you live by and identify any changes you need to make.

Don’t wait until you have made the changes to adopt any new values.

Adopt the new values first and you will find that you can make the changes much quicker and with less resistance.

Put values at the center of any major change you wish to make.

Be the person you wish to become.

If you are not clear on your values or the importance of values, find a mentor!!!

Kelvin Keya 

Emmanuel Ngore

Peter Quest

Liwali Kivumanyuki

Baraka…

Second Annual Youth Summit & Expo to be hosted in Vihiga County.


Welcome to the Second Annual Youth Summit & Expo to be hosted in Vihiga County.